Meth Magic: Florida Man Is Puzzled by Meth Found inside his Underwear
There are many meth mysteries in this thing we call life. But for one Florida man, there was just one burning question that needed to be solved. How a plastic cylinder filled with methamphetamine found its way under Caleb Phillips’ nether regions? Now that mystery is up there with the Bermuda Triangle.
According to the Smoking Gun, 46-year-old, Caleb was undergoing the riveting process of transforming from civilian to inmate at the Indian River County Jail. But as he disrobed, out popped a plastic cylinder from the depths of his unmentionables, filled not with Advil as he proclaimed, but with the kind of crystal-clear substance that would make Breaking Bad fans nod knowingly.
Now, let’s give this dude some credit… Phillips was quick on his feet. When confronted with the discovery, he denied all ownership, painting a vivid picture of innocence. According to the official report, he was “unsure of how the package got in his underwear.” Maybe the meth fairy paid him a visit while he was catching some Zs, who’s to say?
Meth.
Most likely Phillips is just an idiot who thought he could smuggle drugs into jail. Either way, Caleb seemed to possess a clairvoyant knowledge of the mysterious cylinder’s contents. He insisted it was filled with Advil, conveniently ignoring the fact that the meth was snugly nestled next to the wrong head for the headache remedy. So did the cops buy it? Of course not. He’s a criminal baby!
In the end, his streak of bad decisions caught up with him. He’s now facing charges of narcotics possession and the daring act of smuggling contraband into a detention facility. Whoops.
Florida Fish Are On Drugs
In a new study by the Florida International University, 94% of the fish off the Florida coast tested positive for drugs. In the study, researchers sampled 113 Florida redfish, looking for 94 commonly prescribed pharmaceuticals. And they found them. On average, researchers detected 2.1 pharmaceuticals per redfish and only seven of those redfish tested clean. Of the areas tested, Tampa Bay had one of the highest concentrations. Looking to our Southwest Florida waters, Charlotte Harbor had medium concentrations. The Fort Myers are was not tested. So why are the fish on drugs? It’s the wastewater.
According to FIU, “Pharmaceutical contaminants originate most often from human wastewater and are not sufficiently removed by conventional water treatment. They remain active at low doses and can be released constantly.” The drugs affect the lives of the fish, and “On average, 25.7 percent of the fish exceeded a level of pharmaceuticals considered safe, which equates to one-third of the therapeutic levels in humans.” So it’s not just harmful to the fish, the amount of drugs in the fish really questions the safety of eating them.
The most common drug found in the redfish was Flecainide, which can treat and prevent serious irregular heartbeats. Heart medicine. That makes sense since a LOT of people here in Florida take that drug. The most common side effect of that drug is constipation. Second most? Tramadol. That’s right, the opioid analgesic pain killer. More than half of the redfish (52%) had Tramadol in them. “Ayy bro lemme get two pounds of that OxyFish….” is not just a joke. And Tramadol isn’t just a painkiller. It may decrease fertility in men and women.
What can we do about the drug problem in Florida Fish?
The study goes on to say “The results of this study indicate that there are additional opportunities for improvement by retrofitting existing wastewater treatment plants with innovative technologies, like ozone treatment, to remove pharmaceuticals and requiring such technology on new wastewater facilities.” So the trend can be reversed. But it’s going to take more research, and money. Last year, the school conducted a study on bonefish in Biscayne Bay and the Florida Keys with similar results.
Meet Budman, dynamic host of Marconi Award winning radio station WXKB's WiLD Bunch Morning Show, on B1039. Budman likes to write about funny news, a good Florida man story, stupid criminals or anything involving a superhero. Budman, a comic book and pop culture enthusiast, even named his daughter Kara Zor-El, after Supergirl. His only child is his true passion beyond the mic. Being a dad is his favorite role. Budman, a true family man, balances his love for radio with quality time spent with loved ones and his trusty dogs.
