SAN ANSELMO, CALIFORNIA – APRIL 18: In this photo illustration, a bowl of General Mills Lucky Charms cereal is displayed on April 18, 2022 in San Anselmo, California. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is investigating reports of hundreds of people that have fallen ill and have experienced symptoms of nausea, diarrhea and vomiting after eating Lucky Charms cereal. (Photo Illustration by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)
St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner, which means people are about to go full leprechaun mode. Maybe you actually have Irish blood, or maybe you just use this holiday as an excuse to drink like you do. Either way, it’s time to get festive with products that make you feel like you just stepped off a plane from Dublin—whether or not you can even find Ireland on a map.
First things first, let’s get you smelling like the rolling green hills of the homeland. There’s that one soap that hits your nose like a fresh Irish breeze, even if the closest you’ve been to nature lately is opening a window. One shower with this, and you’ll feel like you should be chopping wood in the rain or running through a misty meadow in slow motion.
Now, breakfast. What better way to kick off your St. Paddy’s celebration than with a sugary, marshmallow-filled cereal that somehow convinced the world it’s Irish? The little guy on the box has been selling us on the luck of the Irish for decades, and honestly, it worked. Nobody knows what those marshmallows are actually made of, but we don’t ask questions—we just eat them.
Then, there’s the drink that separates the amateurs from the pros. This isn’t that green beer nonsense people chug while wearing ridiculous hats. This is the dark, rich stuff that makes you feel like you should be sitting in a cozy pub, contemplating life. You don’t just drink this—you experience it.
And let’s not forget dessert—or at least, what counts as dessert in fast food culture. Every year, a certain minty green shake makes its grand return, and everyone loses their minds. It’s got nothing to do with Ireland, but it’s green, and that’s all that matters.
Finally, we’ve got the secret weapon of Irish cooking. You put this on toast, and suddenly, everything you eat feels fancier. It’s smooth, rich, and honestly, might just ruin all other butter for you.
Alright, now let’s break it all down.
5 St. Patrick’s Day Products:
Irish Spring Soap
Smell like you just fought a bear in an Irish forest and won. This soap has that fresh, clean scent that makes you feel like you should be chopping wood with your bare hands. It’s been around forever, and if you haven’t used it, you’ve definitely smelled it in someone’s dad’s bathroom.
Lucky Charms Cereal
Sugary cereal disguised as breakfast with tiny marshmallows that make your inner child happy. The crunchy pieces are just there to make it socially acceptable, but we all know the marshmallows are the real MVP. Bonus points if you actually believe they bring you luck.
Guinness Beer
Dark, smooth, and heavy enough to be considered a meal on its own. This is the kind of drink that makes you feel sophisticated even if you’re just drinking it in your living room. If you can’t handle it, don’t worry—just take small sips and nod knowingly like you “get” it.
McDonald’s Shamrock Shake
A green, minty sugar bomb that appears once a year and disappears before you can even question what’s actually in it. It has zero connection to Irish culture, but it tastes good, and that’s all that really matters. Order one, embrace the artificial green glow, and enjoy.
Kerrygold Butter
This isn’t basic grocery store butter—this is Irish butter. Spread it on anything, and suddenly, you’re eating like a king. Once you try it, you’ll realize you’ve been living a lie with that regular butter.
Now go celebrate like the Irish... Or at least like someone who really enjoys pretending to be.
