Holy water

If you’re tired of the age-old question of “Should I get drunk or should I go to church”, well, you are in luck. Because now there’s a hard seltzer made with holy water. Sacred Seltzer comes in a 6 pack with 2 cherry, 2 mango, and 2 lime spiked seltzers. Each made with holy water. The water was blessed according to an official Catholic procedure on March 31st in Los Angeles.

You are not imagining this. It actually says “Get Crunk With Christ”. I feel like my path to eternal damnation has been paved just repeating this.

So is it ok to drink Holy Water? Or better yet, is it really a good idea? Thinking of all the other things I’ve done in my life, drinking Holy Water surely isn’t going to be the worse, but let’s lay out the research. Found this explanation from a Church in South Florida: “There is no biblical basis that says drinking holy water is a sin. When you drink holy water, you are invoking God’s grace – just like when you’re sprinkling it on things. Drinking or sprinkling holy water alone is not enough. It must be coupled with a strong faith in God. After all, it’s His grace that makes that water holy. Otherwise, it’s just ordinary water. So, do not ever think that holy water will magically wash away all your troubles. If you do, that’s already superstition – something that isn’t encouraged by the church.”

So if you’re still down for a Holy Water Spiked Seltzer, you can buy a 6 pack for $24 on their website. I haven’t seen any reports of these being in stores. Can you imagine people losing their minds if they saw these in Total Wine at Coconut Point?

Pass me a mango, and have a blessed day!

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Joe Winner spends his days combing through memes and off beat stories to bring you the side of Florida not always seen.